The Fourth Trimester
Where do I even begin to describe the last six weeks of life as a new mum.
I suppose I can start by telling you that it truly is the most wonderful wholesome feeling, that there is no love like the love for your child and that despite the lack of sleep and pain your body is in, you will always get up and do whatever it takes to look after your baby. Everytime.
At the same time there is the other side to motherhood, the early postpartum weeks, the fourth trimester as it's called. The sleepless nights, the pain your body goes through, the recovery from surgery and/or labour and not forgetting the surge of hormones passing through your body as it adjusts to it's new form. The lack of energy, feeling depleted of nutrients and dehydrated because all your focus goes on looking after your bundle of joy first. Your breasts change overnight and become swollen and tender to touch, your insides feel sore and fragile, you have a surgical scar the length of your hand on your lower abdomen that makes it incredibly difficult to get out of bed, to wash yourself, to dress yourself, to pick up your little one from their crib. Let's not forget the uncontrollable night sweats, and then the tears that flood in around day three-plus. The adjustment to your new body alone is a challenging task all the while you are getting to know your baby and understand their little ways and worry every day if you are doing it right and if they are getting enough of everything to keep them alive. It's a tidal wave of emotions and when one tips the scale in favour of the other it will knock you for six and there is nothing you can do but feel those feelings and ride them out.
I have also decided that Instagram Mom's are from Mars, their perfect houses, full faces of make up and clean hair is just unbelievable to me. I have gone days without even washing my face or brushing my hair and I haven't had eyebrows since before the birth of my baby. It's an unrealistic projection of the post baby days and in fact made me very naive when it came to the postpartum stage. Following on from that naivety came the doubt. I doubted myself that I was doing all the things correctly, why couldn't I keep the place tidy, why couldn't I make myself look "normal" with hair and make-up, why couldn't I get dressed out of pajamas or go out for a walk, why was it taking me so long to feel ready to face the world. It's obvious to me now at six weeks postpartum that these accounts I followed had very unrealistic representations of early motherhood and my journey into my new role was on a very different level and although the "perfect" image from the Mars mom's is great for them, that's not my path and I'm more than ok with that.
I have often thought if only I had had a crystal ball, I could have forseen what postpartum recovery was like and felt better equipped to take it on but then I probably wouldn't feel like the woman I do today. I'm in awe of what a woman's body is capable of doing and I'm proud of myself. One day at a time and I'm finding my feet, learning and growing as a new mum and discovering who this version of myself is and I love every second of it.
As my body heals itself every day the fogginess slowly sets in on those first few raw days, the memory of the pain is fading and is replaced with intense feelings of joy and love for my little man as I watch him grow and thrive.
From this Clueless Mama to the next, we've got this.
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